As I pulled into a parking space at Ralph's to pick up some of hubby's beloved "100 Calorie Packs" (goldfish and shortbread cookies), I leaned over to the passenger side floor to grab my reusable bags and there it was!!! Hanging from my rearview mirror by a new web it was about to begin was the spider that has been planning to murder me (it makes sense to me, don't argue)! It turns out, my life wasn't in danger at all. This puny little shit was about to meet his maker...right after I took a few photos with my phone. Much like a serial killer, I wanted to keep some kind of trophy of the life I was about to take. Thank god I'm much like an elderly woman with allergies and I always have around 400 packages of Kleenex with me at any given moment. With lightning speed, I grabbed a tissue and squeezed the monster's little body until I felt the crunch. My nightmare was over.
If anybody knows a REALLY good taxidermist that can salvage this tiny little corpse for me, I'd LOVE to have it stuffed so I can hang it on my wall like a goddamn moose head. Thank you.
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