Spider Saga: The Final Chapter

As I pulled into a parking space at Ralph's to pick up some of hubby's beloved "100 Calorie Packs" (goldfish and shortbread cookies), I leaned over to the passenger side floor to grab my reusable bags and there it was!!!  Hanging from my rearview mirror by a new web it was about to begin was the spider that has been planning to murder me (it makes sense to me, don't argue)!  It turns out, my life wasn't in danger at all.  This puny little shit was about to meet his maker...right after I took a few photos with my phone.  Much like a serial killer, I wanted to keep some kind of trophy of the life I was about to take.   Thank god I'm much like an elderly woman with allergies and I always have around 400 packages of Kleenex with me at any given moment.  With lightning speed, I grabbed a tissue and squeezed the monster's little body until I felt the crunch.  My nightmare was over.

If anybody knows a REALLY good taxidermist that can salvage this tiny little corpse for me, I'd LOVE to have it stuffed so I can hang it on my wall like a goddamn moose head.  Thank you.

Katie vs. Spider

   Let's get right into it.  This morning I unlocked my car door, opened it,  and put my arm in to set  my purse down on the passenger seat before getting in.   As I put my arm in, it pushed through a giant spiderweb.  Repeat: I put my arm through a spiderweb...INSIDE of my car.  On the driver's side.  A spider somehow got into my car and decided to build it's home where my head would be.

     This is not my first blog about bugs.  I don't like eating bugs and I don't like co-habitating with spiders.    They are evil 8 legged demons that I'm positive are on Earth just to fuck with me.  So we're clear, I'm not scared of all tiny legged creatures, I love snakes,  and rats are precious.  Oh, and I'm not crazy about fish, but that's for another day.

     So now, I had to remove the web and get into the car to drive to work.   For a few minutes, I considered calling off, of course, giving the reason that I don't want to drive in a spider's house.  It could be lurking anywhere.  Where was it?!?   I looked all over for the demon and it was nowhere to be found.  I had to get in and go.  Fuck.  I got in and started driving, all while scratching the phantom itches that were popping up all over my body.  I called hubby and our conversation went a little something like this:

"BABE!!  There is a spider somewhere in my car.  A spider has made it's home INSIDE my car.  WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?!!?"

"What do you do??!!   You sell the car!!"

     I knew I loved him.  Now I have to go on my day off tomorrow and have it detailed.  I'm taking no chances.

ps #1.  When I was probably 10, I was laying on the floor of my bedroom watching Arachnophobia.  I started feeling those phantom itches, but ignored them thinking it was all in my head.  After one phantom itch wouldn't go away, I looked down and there was a super bug crawling on me.

ps #2.  I watched Arachnophobia on my wedding day.

ps #3.  I'm all itchy just thinking about it right now.